Aging Inside a World of Vanity
Subscriber asks how to accept being less attractive as she's aging
“My face is showing severe signs of damage due to lifestyle (I was a former smoker and heavy drinker) and worshipped the sun most of my life. I’m starting to look like an old hag. What can I do, if anything? (I’m 55 years old and female.) How do I accept that I’m getting older and less attractive everyday?”—Subscriber question
Do the best with what you have to work with. The anti-aging industry thrives on vanity metrics, insidiously preying on our attention. It bombards us daily with reminders that we’re aging—as if we’re unaware of the changes staring back at us in the mirror over the years.
There are two times in a life that aging drastically changes.
Time marches on predictably, but biological aging is anything but constant, according to a new Stanford Medicine study. We undergo two periods of rapid change, averaging around age 44 and age 60, according to a Stanford Medicine study.—Stanford Medicine
In other words, we no longer need to look in the mirror and wonder if we’re aging overnight. We do, according to science.
When I was a teenager, I baked in the sun with coconut oil, smoked for years, and drank plenty of alcohol, not to mention I rarely slept more than six hours nightly. Unsurprisingly, my skin paid a heavy price. Around age 30, I visited a dermatologist who recommended starting an anti-aging program right away. He performed chemical peels and sold me professional-grade products that took years off my skin. From that moment, I was religious about my skincare regimen—until 2001.
That’s when I moved to Florida and met a knucklehead who insisted I “get a little sun on my face” because I looked pale and ghostly. Foolishly, I listened. (For 18 years, I continued to listen to him, damaging myself further—but that’s another story.)
Fast forward to five years ago: I was preparing to get married for the first time. I wasn’t a blushing bride, and we planned to tie the knot outdoors on top of a mountain.
I didn’t want to feel self-conscious about having my photo taken. Vanity or not, it’s what drove me to seek professional help before my biggest day—my first wedding at 62—immortalized me as a wrinkled, saggy hag.
I returned to a skincare specialist, hoping to soften the deep lines and crevices. I wasn’t looking for perfection—I just wanted to reduce the visible ravages of aging, much of it caused by my own lifestyle choices.
Since then, I’ve been getting small treatments—not drastic, but noticeable to me if skipped for too long. I do this for myself, not for anyone else. I don’t like looking in the mirror and being reminded of the physical, emotional, and mental damage I inflicted by neglecting myself for so long.
I believe we should each do whatever it takes to age gracefully. For some, that might have nothing to do with skincare, but for me, it was an essential part of beginning the process.
For me, mitigating the damage caused by decades of neglect has been a journey—one that hasn’t come cheap. But the damage I did to myself for over 50 years, through poor habits and lack of care, took a toll I could no longer ignore.
Aging may be a privilege, but how we navigate it is personal. Whether it’s skincare, self-acceptance, or finding your own way to feel good in your skin, what matters is making peace with the process—and doing what you need to truly feel at ease.
Here are a few skincare ideas to help you along the way.
Prevent (or clear up) a blotchy complexion
The sun and extreme weather are primary causes of discoloration and redness. A lack of B12 is another contributing factor, and genetics can also play a role. These factors can lead to brown spots, rosacea, and broken capillaries.
Treatments include:
Light therapy (IPL) is also known as a photo facial, is a way to improve the color and texture of your skin without surgery. It can undo much of the visible damage caused by sun exposure. 3-6 sessions for best results.
Cost: $300 to $600 (It’s best to negotiate a package to save money.)
Clinical Chemical Strength Peels (not the typical facials done in beauty salons, these are therapeutic peels that need to be done by a professional). A medium chemical peel is used to treat uneven skin tone. These may need to be repeated periodically to keep and maintain results. 4 sessions a year for maintaining results. 5-10 days recovery time Cost: $100 to $300 per peel
Retain skin’s youthful firmness longer. Soften fine lines and wrinkles (read this carefully and note I did not say eliminate. I said soften, a big difference).
Morpheus 8: It is an advanced fractional skin treatment known for its ability to stimulate collagen production inside the deeper layers of the dermis. It goes deep enough to hit the subcutaneous fat. It takes time for it to work. The results can last up to 18 months. (I personally think this procedure has shown miraculous results.) There is no downtime. These are the results after four sessions. ⬇️ Note how the skin texture improves over one year. Cost: $700 to $1,200 a session.
Laser resurfacing: For moderate textural changes, collagen loss, enlarging pores, a minimally invasive minimal downtime laser treatment can be done. (Not a fan of this treatment. It resurfaces the lines and wrinkles and gives off too smooth of an appearance, almost like a waxy effect.) It supposedly lasts 3-5 years, I have my doubts on this. Women who go for this treatment typically must use fillers and Botox to sculpt and supplement the natural loss of how our skin continues its ‘falling effects’ from lack of collagen and subcutaneous fat. Cost: $1,800 to start, not including fees that come along with the procedure.
Keep your complexion looking brighter
As we age, our complexions tend to lose their brightness. Here are some top brightening ingredients to look for in skincare products, especially in serums:
Vitamin C
Arbutin
Azelaic Acid
Niacinamide
Mulberry
Berberis Aquifolium
Licorice Extract
The effectiveness of these ingredients depends on how they are paired in use. They are typically found in serums, but exploring that in detail is beyond the scope of this article.
Avoid leathery skin and reduce skin cancer risk
“Any kind of disruption to the normal process of skin is going to be extremely dangerous and detrimental to our overall lifestyle,” Ittycheri said. “That’s not even going into the cosmetic side of things, where a person’s perception about themselves can be challenged when their skin does not look good.”—Leathery Skin
UV Exposure: Prolonged exposure to ultraviolet (UV) rays breaks down collagen and elastin fibers, which are responsible for keeping skin firm and elastic. Over time, this leads to thickened, rough, and leathery skin.
Melanin Overproduction: In response to UV rays, the skin produces more melanin to protect itself, leading to uneven pigmentation—and sometimes a crocodilian appearance. (Think of those women in sunny Florida with their buttery tans that come at a cost.)
The sun can be both our friend and our challenge. Finding a happy medium—enjoying sunlight in moderation while protecting your skin—ensures you reap its benefits without the damaging effects of overexposure.
It took a long time to find the right products and procedures that work for me. We’re all different, so what works for me likely won’t work for you.
Personally, I wanted to enhance my best features and minimize a few things that bothered me. I do dermaplaning to remove excess facial hair, Morpheus treatments for skin resurfacing and softening lines, and I use pharmaceutical-grade products.
Aging is a natural process, and it’s okay to want to feel confident in your own skin while navigating it. Whether it’s embracing a consistent skincare routine, seeking professional treatments, or simply learning to accept the changes in your reflection, the goal isn’t to fight aging—it’s to approach it with grace and self-compassion.
Artfully aging is about finding what works for you, without judgment or comparison. It’s about honoring your journey and doing what makes you feel your best, inside and out. Remember, aging is a privilege not everyone gets to experience—so why not make it an art form?
We’re all going to get older and less attractive, I accept this, how I do so is my own business.
And it’s your (own) business too, dear reader. Best of luck in health, happiness, and living life large. You’ve earned it.
Not sure the above link works but this is the guy. - He is so anti Morpheus https://www.scripps.org/physicians/4448-amir-karam
Your skin is amazing. That last pic you took is very youthful looking.😊👍🏻